On Holidays, Family and Friends...

The holidays are upon us. The last two months of the year, holding the largest family gathering holidays we know: Thanksgiving and Christmas. The media would have us believe that these are some of the worst times we can have, but I think differently. These two holidays are some of the best and most important times for me, because I get to spend them with family.

Since I was a young boy, I’ve always loved the big family gatherings. My parents both have fairly large families, so during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays there was never a shortage of excitement in our homes. Children running through the house, folks in the kitchen preparing the different components of dinner, small groups of people engrossed in conversation, some of the men of the family would gather round the television to watch the game. We always had potluck-style dinners at these gatherings, with each family bringing a different part of the meal. I would think this is the norm for more families than mine, but can’t be certain.

The importance of these holidays does not fall on the spiritual side. For me, the importance lies with family. Being able to get as many family members in one place as you can, spending as much time in an evening as you can, everyone enjoying each other’s company; that’s what is important to me about the holidays. I’ll say it again: Family is important. Spending time with family is important.

I happen to know quite a few people who have family, but they’re spread across the country or otherwise out of touch. Some of them still get to have the family experience during the holidays, because friends are as important as family to some. I’m one of those people. If I know someone is going to be alone for a holiday, I’ll do my best to include them in at least part of the holiday festivities. My friends are my family as much as my actual family is, and I don’t believe in spending a holiday alone.

What I’m trying to say is enjoy your family. Spend the holidays with them if you can. Be with your friends if your family isn’t available. Include friends in your family function if you can. I know I will.

Happy Thanksgiving,

~J

The Men in Your Life - Personal Thoughts on Family

I’ve had a few different thoughts engage my mind over the last week and thought I’d share them for today’s post. While it may not be overtly educational like my previous blog posts, there still may be some information to glean from my brain dump.

This “quest for manliness” I’ve been putting myself through has made me think about the men in my life that should be role models, but haven’t been for one reason or other. Mostly family, this group of men would be my father, grandfather, an uncle or two; all men who should have a great influence in a young man’s life, but have not been in mine because for some reason I never looked at them as men to base my life on. I plan to change that while I still can; we’re not getting any younger.

My father, as I think back on my life, has always been the “kidder” – quick to answer with a sarcastic comment or joke. As such, I’m not sure I’ve really gotten to learn all I can from him. I honestly don’t really know what he’s all about. I know he does his best to provide for his family, both financially and emotionally, he loves music more than any other person I know, he’s big on politics, and he’s had a subscription to the New Yorker for nearly as long as I’ve been alive. I feel like there’s more to him than I’m able to recall. The knowledge bank I have on my father seems incomplete; like there’s more I should know.

My mother and father divorced before I could walk, and I can’t recall seeing him before about age 5 or 6. I got to spend alternating weekends and every summer break from school with him until I was 17 or 18. After that I saw him much less frequently, thanks to young-adulthood and thinking I knew everything. I honestly think that by doing so I missed out on a lot of things I could have learned from him, and now find myself needing to “play catch-up” as it were.

I feel the same about my grandfather. He always seems like he has a lot to say, but doesn’t say it for reasons unknown except to him. I don’t know much about my grandfather. He’s quiet, very stoic. I know he used to be a pharmaceutical rep, when I was a small child. We always had some sort of promotional trinket advertising the latest drugs; a pen, paperweight, once I had a pedometer that had the logo for some drug company on it. I’ve heard some of his opinions on politics, religion and “sensitive” subjects, and while I may not agree with them it’s good to hear opposing beliefs and opinions once in a while. Of course now he’s sick, though he may be getting better, but it shows me that I may not have much time to really sit down and talk to him; to learn his story, his thoughts on life. I plan on visiting him soon, to start reconnecting with him on a more man-to-man level.

I’m starting to realize that the days of men passing knowledge down to future generations are on their way out. This is a tradition that, in my opinion, needs to stick around. Boys grow up to be men, and they don’t have a chance of knowing what that means unless it is passed down to them by their fathers. In our generation many boys have missed out on those life lessons and pieces of advice that only a father can give, due to either the father not being there enough or just not at all.

If you haven’t already, reconnect with the men in your family. You might just find a mentor in someone who has been next to you the whole time.

Until next time,

~J

The Importance of Routine and Planning

As I’ve been on this journey to being a better man, I’ve started reflecting on how to be more conscious of the time I have during the day to do things. I’ve read a few different blog posts on time management, routine and planning, and I’ve noticed that I have been wasting so much of my brainpower by just floating through life, going where the universe takes me. Up until this point, I never really knew where my time was going to be spent; I just existed.

Recently I decided to put a stop to that; to work on assigning myself tasks for the day/week/month and make sure to complete said tasks. Something that is helping me is a calendar I picked up a couple weeks ago. It’s made of metal, dry-erase, and it’s wall-mounted. I mounted it next to my pantry in my kitchen so I’ll see it when I enter my house, and on it I’ve mapped out all the important dates and tasks, including paychecks and what they’re mostly for on each payday.

One of the things I really like about it is the redundancy of everything. The calendar I have on my wall directly reflects the digital calendar I have, so I don’t forget anything while I’m away from my home. Whenever I make a note on either calendar, I make sure to add it to the other. Now no matter where I am, I only have to take a quick glance at my calendar and I can remind myself when a certain bill is due, what I may have planned for the weekend, any appointments I may have during the week and so forth. Already my mind is clearer, I feel more structure in my life and I don’t have to question whether or not I have to do something later; it’s all on my calendar.

Add planning to a good daily routine and you can make a finely tuned, well-oiled machine out of yourself. When you think about it, men are the definition of routine. We are set in our ways, not wanting to deviate too much from the status quo, because it disrupts what we see as a good thing. My father, for example, is a practitioner of the “bookend” type of daily routine. Every morning he wakes up a couple hours before work, showers, shaves, gets dressed, makes coffee, reads the paper and eats breakfast. After work, he comes home, has dinner with the family, washes the dishes, spends some time unwinding and goes to bed.

Bookending your days like this gives you the opportunity to both start and end on a calm, organized note. You can use this time to get some of the smaller household tasks done, prepare for your day, or just take time to center yourself. It’s up to you how you spend the time you set aside for morning/evening routine. My setup will hopefully look something like this:

Morning:

0530 – Wake up

0545 – Three S’s

0615 – Dress to 90%, remainder to be done after breakfast

0625 – Make and eat breakfast, while going over schedule for the day

0700 – Complete getting dressed

0715 – Out the door to work

Evening:

1730 – Home from work

1745 – Make and eat dinner

1900 – Family time (play with son, etc)

2100 – Bedtime for the boy

2115 – Unwind (notes in journal, cocktail, TV time, etc)

2230-2300 – Head to bed

This is the initial draft of my planned morning/evening routines, subject to change until I feel it is rock solid; a rough draft, if you will. I think it will work out nicely once I iron out any kinks I may find. As with all new projects, you have to kind of massage it into what you want it to be; it doesn’t start out perfect.

I encourage you to start thinking about how you spend your time, and give the planning and routines a shot. I’d be interested to hear how you all manage your time.

~J